I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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