can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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