brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
