batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize