my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
