I'm really into asian looking animals
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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