Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
