i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
