make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
