The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
