I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
