yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
