I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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