I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
