Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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