I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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