My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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