her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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