just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize