I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
