I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize