It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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