We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
