At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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