You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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