Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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