for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
