And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fuck appropriateness.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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