I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
