I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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