apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
