oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
