just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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