The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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