I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize