So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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