Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
