He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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