I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
