Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
