I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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