Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
