Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she peed on how many people?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize