Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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