Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
