I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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