New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
