Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love accidental penises.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
me + whiskey = a bad person
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