you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
