My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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