Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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