I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
