The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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