did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
