it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
