Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
