I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
