In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
