She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
