i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
