Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
