I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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