Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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