there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
