She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
