respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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