shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
