i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
