so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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