what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize