I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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