Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
