Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
