That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
