i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I understand Curling. That high.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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