Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize