I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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