70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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