would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
