thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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