I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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