The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
