I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize