Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
