i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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