I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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