I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
