Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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