It's like God shit irony all over that family
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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