How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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