he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
