I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There r osticjed everywhere
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
