i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
