i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
