All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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